Musings on Fatherhood

Parenthood is, like so many things in life, something you leap into with the best of intentions and the vaguest actual idea of what you are really getting yourself into.

I knew that when Susan and I decided to start a family we were staring all sorts of new joys and demands and responsibilities in the face...but, now that I am in the middle of it, I am amazed at how all-consuming this new life is. I am finding out how much little ones depend on their family for virtually everything in their lives: from the bare essentials of food and diaper changes to complicated things like the provision of a stable environment for their emotional development. Before I knew what was happening to me, I was taken up in this whole new life of parenthood.

As amazed as I am at the all-consuming nature of parenthood, I am equally astonished by my own reaction to having all of my down-time and leisure time and extra moments and spare thoughts taken captive: I love it! Sure, I am tired more than I used to be, and all too often feel over-committed in the tug of war between home and work, but its all worth it. I have these conversations with other parents where they tell me how much easier things will be when the twins are four or eight or twelve, and I am constantly surprised that doing the math doesn't drive me to despair (such a long time to keep up the pace...) I am not on the outside doing an objective cost-benefit analysis on my life as Jesse and Evie's Dad, I am immersed in it and ready for what comes next, because these little people have captured my heart!

I can't wait to see what they will come up with next. Lately, they have begun to play imaginatively. Dr. Evie listens to everyone's heart (stuffed animals and humans alike) with her toy stethoscope. Both of them love to pretend they are leaving (bubeye! bubeye!) only to make a grand return seconds later (they deserve a welcome like the one they give us each time we come home). They both also enjoy mixing up pretend recipes with a bowl and spoon and feeding them to one another, and everyone else who is willing. What is next?

The whole experience of watching and being involved in the unfolding of brand new personalities is wonderful. You begin to appreciate the great process that is set in motion when a human being is formed...and to be given the responsibility of guarding that process...very exciting!

In short, I love my Kazakh gypsy twins, and am so happy to be their Dad. Fatherhood is great fun, but I know there are bigger challenges in my future as the father of Kazakh-American kids...

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